Restoring Balance - Chapter 3.
Several new members have told me about their unconverted spouses and children. They don’t know how best to deal with their circumstances.
Each person I have had a conversation with, is obviously unique. However, there is a broad trend in these situations that I would like to cover here.
If you are reading this, from the perspective of a long-time member, you will hopefully understand much of what I am about to say. But if you are new to the Truth then maybe this will help you. Also, perhaps, the simplified explanations I give may be of help in explaining God's basic plan to your spouse.
The predominant issue that seems to pervade every non-called person is as the title “WHY ME?”.
Why the pain? Why the grief. Why are others that are obviously reprehensible are seemingly having a better life than me? The list could go on and on. There are so many reasons that are given not to believe in God. Or at least, not to believe in a God of LOVE.
Let me start off by pointing out that all of these questions can be answered by proper study of the Bible. Study which they COULD choose to do for themselves. I will answer from my understanding of what is written for us there.
First and most important. God says that He gave rulership of this world to his best created being – the archangel Lucifer. Lucifer was perfect in every way. He also bestowed beauty and talents such as music on him.
Unfortunately, Lucifer thought that he was so good and important that he could actually challenge God and usurp Him.
This didn’t happen. When iniquity was found in him, as an initial punishment, Lucifer was cast down to Earth and restricted from going elsewhere in the universe. He was no longer Lucifer (light-bringing, morning star) he was now renamed Satan (the great adversary of humanity).
Along with Satan, all his angels (we believe about a million) were cast down here with him.
Now apart from the restrictions God placed on him, Satan was not stripped of his rulership of this world. He was and still is able to control much of what happens here. It’s now part of God’s plan to show us all that Satan’s way is of no value to anyone. Then when Jesus returns, He will take rulership of this world. Satan and his angels (now called demons) will be taken away from us and not able to influence us any more for a thousand years.
Until Jesus returns, we have to suffer under Satan’s rulership and worldly systems. Please let me make it very clear. It is Satan not God that causes all the great suffering. BUT God can override this and stop Satan having free passage to ruin the lives of everyone.
So, the question that is quite commonly made, WHY DOESN’T HE DO SO?
He does. If and when He so chooses, He does so because it is part of His plan for you and mankind.
For those God has called and is working with He also does do a lot of protecting and making things better. He also makes a 100% promise that whatever disastrous thing has happened to us that He will eventually work it to our good. He doesn’t, though, promise to magic it away for us.
If God fixed everything for us, how would we ever develop any character or increase our understanding? We would just be little toddlers that fall over, cry a bit, get picked up and then kissed better. Hardly something most of us really want to happen, is it?
What we really want is to develop into mature adults that have a reasonable amount of control over our lives. Being able to stand on our own two feet, obtaining victory over all assailants and all unpleasant circumstances.
That doesn’t come if someone, God or human, is babying us all the time.
Right, we now know where the suffering originates, we also now know why God allows it to happen. To develop character in those He calls.
How about our spouses? What does God promise for them?
He will give your spouse the same protection from many things, just as He does for you. There have probably been many times when an angel has intervened for us. I have heard many interesting stories over the years. Like steering wheels being turned to stop a car driving off the road into a ravine. And, probably all those times you have only just missed a disaster by inches. I’m sure you can find a few.
I have one I can tell. About a year ago I fell off a wall backwards. I fell about 4-feet on to concrete. When I had come to my senses, I really thought I would be paralysed. I expected not to be able to move. When I did find that I could move, I then expected something to be broken. I did have a very sore back for the next 2-3 weeks. But that was all.
Now, in reality, I don’t think it very likely that that good outcome happened just by chance. I really feel that I received divine protection for that one moment of foolishness on my part. I joke that I was able to fall on my guardian angel.
Why not? I probably did!
The same happens for our spouses. They likely also received many such times when they were helped but didn’t realise.
There is also the intervention of prayer and fasting. Both from you and other Church members. That can and has been able to petition God to offer some help and relief. What you don’t know is just how bad it might have been if those prayers were not made on your spouse’s behalf.
Now for the important part. Your spouse will receive protection through your marriage making you one flesh. They will also be able to get special treatment through prayer and fasting on their behalf. Your children will be sanctified (set apart) because one spouse has been called by God. But that’s it!
The unconverted spouse does NOT have a relationship with God when they haven’t been called. They have access to God through you only. In most cases their prayers will not have the same weight as yours do. They will be the same as all the rest of the world. They pray to their vision or interpretation of God. Their god is not our God.
Can they change that? Yes. Definitely.
God says that He calls many, but few are chosen. That means many leave the starting gates, but most fail to finish the course.
If your spouse, by their own volition, would choose to start studying and repenting, they too will be called. But God has to know that there is a reasonable chance of them reaching the end without falling away. He has to know that He isn’t condemning them to no future at all. Otherwise, He will leave them as they currently are, and they WILL be in the second resurrection with the majority of mankind.
Therefore, it is up to them to make the first move.
We then come to the next connected question – How do I help my spouse to the starting gate?
You can’t. If you do, they will see it as coercion. What you actually have to do is be fully “hands off”. You need to let God handle the moves. You can’t make it happen however hard you try.
What you can do is to be such a good Christian that they actually see a reason to become one. You need to lead by example. If your spouse’s attitude towards becoming a Christian doesn’t change, you just have to accept that that is God’s will. God’s timing for these things results in the utmost best resolution.
One more thing you should NOT do. If your spouse asks questions, don’t answer more than they ask. Be like the parent answering the first question on sex! Be very careful not to go in to things that will not be understood and could cause confusion or even distress.
Be there by example and, in love, support any need or clarification they may require. But, end it there. Let them make any movement in their own time. If it happens, great. If not, then at least you know you haven’t been a stumbling block in God’s plan for your spouse.
When it comes to your children, the dos and don’ts are exactly the same. It may or may not turn out as you would like or think it should. But they are God’s worry, not yours. Don’t overthink things. Go with the flow!
In all matters be relaxed and realise that eternity is a very long time. What may seem ages to you, is infinitesimal to God. Be calm and above all have patience in waiting.
That ends the three chapters on Restoring Balance. If you would like to read on further, please see Use Your Talents Or Lose Them!
